Gosh, doing a lot of writing on here, lately! It feels good, though. It’s a release of tensions, but, especially when I read other blogs, memories pop up! Things I had forgotten somewhat.
The dark side…mmmm. This is something that has been incredibly cathartic in a life that was dulled in me. I had no idea of all the feelings deep within. Some of them were fun and liberating; some brutal and hurtful. Or maybe, all just different sides of me and my shadow.
That’s what Carl Jung calls it. My Owner calls her Lilith. I’ve written about her before, but when she needs to cum out and play, she often gets my attention in interesting ways. A soft hint was reading about other submissive’s darker side.
In the beginning, I was afraid to let her cum out with Him. Lilith didn’t feel submissive to me, she felt full of ‘caffeine and hate’, ‘grab you by the balls’ rage, and ‘smile while she draws blood on your back’ expression. She scared me. But, hiding her was the worst idea ever!
He likes when she cums out to play. He is able to grab her by the throat, watch her writhe in twisted pleasure and pain, while His cock gets hard. She has cunning and deviance and a black, sharp soul. In a word: Hawt!!
Always…always offered in service to Him. That took me much trial and error to discover. She can be out of control vengeful, too. When unspoken feelings build in me, she… I can be extremely hurtful. So, the answer to that is for me to remain in conversation with her. To remember to check in with her occasionally, and listen to her voice. Like I said, there’s always a reason she cums into my conscious thought.
One of the most profound things about Lilith is her ability to help me release. She helps me to steer clear of being a victim. And believe me, my victim is much more distractive then Lilith ever is or ever could be.
A memory just came up from when I was about 19 years old. An aggressive male driver bumped the side of my mother’s car while she was taking me home from the mall. His unchecked anger had now caused an accident. When my mother and I got out of the car, I went into full swing Tasmanian devil. My voice sounded three octaves lower, I was growling and screaming. I was cursing like a sailor and looking this 6 foot plus man dead in the eyes. My mother was completely silent.
This man was not backing down and neither was I. At one point he threatened to hit me. I taunted him to. I begged him to. It’s taken me all these years to realize that that was my pain slut; that, was Lilith. What she really wanted and needed was to be grabbed by the throat and fucked. Hard.
And that is what a talented, insightful, sensitive, loving Dominant Man can bring to life. A life that is full. Completely full, with whole expression. Plus, one very grateful submissive.